Thursday, January 10, 2013
Wren's Journal: Deep Love New Moon
This month's New Moon coincides with a major celebration---my two year anniversary with my love and now housemate.
Last year when he and I toasted our first year, or rather when I spilled the bubbling champagne all over myself and the floor, it was the first time I had ever hit that mark.
And now, having lived together for several months, see New Apartment New Moon, I can safely say this is going to last a while.
There are ups and downs, passionate arguments we engage in only because we care deeply about the other. Petty arguments about adding tomatoes or NOT, where to put the thermostat, and which TV show to watch, of course. My comfort zone has been challenged and will continue to be challenged.
As uber independent as I am, it's still strange to have someone so opinionated about what I should and shouldn't be doing in my life. Aha! So that's what happens when someone really cares and is paying attention.
Two years in I see gleams of how my love will continue to deepen more than I have ever experienced. It's miraculous how trusting another person has allowed me to trust myself and my vision more, too.
This is a good thing. *Nods and laughs*
Before I met this one, I was seeking so much: love, companionship, appreciation, respect, admiration, a pedestal, a guide, someone as nerdy/cool/crazy/smart/rebellious/ridiculous as I am.
I broke my heart on shiny but unreliable men. I passed up some good guys. Maybe the chemistry was off or maybe I wasn't ready.
But I kept trying, through the hardest of times, I kept pushing myself to overcome my fears, to get out there, to strike conversations, to crack a joke even though the stakes felt high. Sigh, to write one more message to some rando on the internet.
But eventually this Wren found a nest with someone who cracks her up and gives good hugs. And he even fuckin' cooks! He drugs me with capsaicin against my will, but it has numerous health benefits.
To all those who are seeking, keep it up. Make yourself as happy as possible in the meantime and one day, somebody will *poof* show up to help. No one knows when. Or where (tho probably not at work, in your house or rrr at the bar).
But that doesn't mean there isn't a who.
And if you are a happy free bird, then rock on. 'Nuff said.
But the one thing is--the who isn't going to be perfect. Elements of importance will be there, yes, but there will always be something off. But the question is---do you feel perfect enough being together?
Love to all!